Coping with Overwhelming Emotions

So it's been a while, but I'm back!  In my absence I have been working on my doodles and thinking about how best to create useful content.

This week I have been immensely frustrated by a courier returning a parcel I desperately needed to the sender after just one attempt to deliver.  Since my special interest is working with people who struggle to manage their emotions when such things happen, I decided to take inspiration from my anger and write a brief post about a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill which might help in such circumstances.

DBT aims to equip people with a range of skills to help them manage emotions and relationships.  This skill is a Distress Tolerance skill, and is therefore used to help survive potential crisis situations without making them worse or getting stuck on the injustice or painful feelings in a way that adds more suffering to the natural angst generated by the situation.

THE "STOP" SKILL

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT is rather fond of an acronym (even if they are sometimes a bit of  stretch).  In this case, STOP stands for Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed Mindfully.  Here's how.

Let's break it down a bit.

First up, we STOP.  Freeze.  Do not move a muscle.  When you are in a highly emotional state (e.g. furious!) you may be driven to act on your emotions.  It may be extremely difficult to think clearly, and as a result, the action you take may not be in your best interests.  Stop to enable yourself to regain control.

Next up, we Take a step back.  Take a break.  Step away from the situation and take deep breaths.  Try to let go of the thoughts and feelings and get yourself back towards that calm baseline as best you can.  Do not let your feelings make you behave impulsively; you may regret it later.

Now we Observe what is going on inside and outside of us.  What is the situation?  What are you thinking and feeling?  What are other people saying or doing?  What are the facts of the situation?

 

The final stage of this skill is to Proceed Mindfully.  Your job now is to act with awareness of the facts, your thoughts and feelings, and other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Keep in mind what your goals are (longer-term).  Will the action you take get you closer to or further away from your goals?  If it will make things harder, is there a better option? 

It really is important at this point to remember that you may need to repeat these stages.  If you have taken a step back and the other person or situation has wound you back up immediately, start again from the beginning.  You cannot proceed mindfully until you are able to think again, and you cannot think when you are too distressed and in "survival" or "fight/flight/freeze" mode.

I hope this brief post has been helpful!

Thanks for reading =)

The Bear xXx